1 Introduction to menopause

It is estimated that there are around 13m women in the UK currently going through the menopause…that’s almost one third of all women.

And Menopause gets such bad press – in the media, from women suffering, from those close to these women. 72% of women in my own survey stated that lack of understanding & education from those around them – at home & at work – negatively affected their meno-experience.

Menopause isn’t just a women’s issue. If you know, love or work with a woman aged 40+ you need to know about the menopause.

It’s time to get meno-positive!

2 What is Menopause?

Menopause is basically puberty in reverse!

Officially, menopause is the one day that marks a woman not having had a period for 12 consecutive months. The average age for this in the UK is 51.

Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple….

First, there’s perimenopause, which is the 5-10 year period (pardon the pun!) before this …. when the body’s reproductive system is slowing down, and erratic/declining sex hormones (mainly progesterone & oestrogen) cause a myriad of often unpleasant side effects.

Post-menopause is the period after ‘menopause day’ when hormones level out and remain relatively low. For many women symptoms can continue for years; for others they stop. There really is no normal.
For simplicity, we’ll refer to all 3 phases as ‘menopause’.

3 What the hell has happened to my wife (/partner/colleague/friend)?

Every woman’s experience of menopause is unique, personal, and changing.

Symptoms might show up consistently, intermittently, or rarely.

They might be intense or barely noticeable.

The changes aren’t just physical…. they are tied up in emotions, lifestyle, relationships, and mindset.

But there’s so much negativity, confusion and misinformation around menopause, that women themselves don’t know which way to turn. So, it’s no wonder that the men in their lives are left bewildered, lonely and helpless.

Here’s the scenario…

What you see happening…
– Anger
– Mood swings
– Depression
– Tears
– Disinterest in sex
– Irrationality
– Lack of motivation
– Irritability
– Unsociability
– Weight gain

How she feels…
– Basically crap!
– Overwhelmed
– Confused
– Unconfident
– Forgetful
– Fat & Ugly
– Scared
– Anxious
– Sore
– Exhausted
– Unheard
– Self-conscious
– Like her body’s not her own

And what’s actually going on…

As a woman starts running out of eggs, levels of oestrogen, progesterone and even testosterone roller coaster & decline as her need to reproduce disappears.

The impact of these changing sex hormones can potentially have a devastating effect on a woman’s physical and brain health.

Oestrogen in particular, has over 300 key functions within the body and brain – hence why a woman can feel like she’s been invaded by aliens – almost every function in her body is affected!

There is also an impact on her non-sex hormones – thyroid, cortisol, insulin…. which can also be out of balance worsening symptoms – including stress & weight gain.

And finally, there are general ‘midlife things’ going on – general ageing, stressors of grown-up kids and ageing parents, work stresses. Life can be tough!

There are actually 34, (yes you heard that right) symptoms of the menopause.
Aching Joints
Allergies
Anger
Anxiety
Bad Breath
Bloating
Brain Fog
Breast Soreness
Body Odour changes
Bone deterioration
Concentration
Depression
Dry/Burning Mouth
Fatigue
Gum Disease
Gut Issues
Hair Loss/Thinning
Headaches
Heart Palpitations
Hives/Itchy Skin
Hot Flushes
Irritability
Low Libido
Loss of confidence/self
Memory Issues
Mood Swings
Muscle Mass Loss
Night Sweats
Overwhelm
Period changes
Sleep Issues
Tingling in extremities
Vaginal Atrophy (dryness)
Weight Gain

It’s pretty overwhelming! And can affect all areas of life…

– how she feels about and within her body
– her emotional & mental health
– her ability interact socially
– her performance at work

You can see why many women struggle to cope, but they can also feel very alone.
And to you, the man in their life, it can feel like walking on eggshells – an isolating, no win situation.

4 Before you run for the hills…

The good news is that it’s not all doom and gloom.

Some women can breeze through menopause without any issues at all.

Others may be aware of a few mild effects.

Even in the worst-case scenarios medication (HRT), good nutrition & supplementation, exercise & self-care can all impact the outcome.

And more good news is that open conversations about menopause are becoming more normal and there’s lots we (including you!) can do to smooth this hormonal/life stage journey.

How to help…

Education & understanding are the bedrock of meno-positivity.

Education means she won’t have to explain, apologise, or hide symptoms.

Understanding opens the door for communication allowing women, and everyone around them, to share their experience, get support and simply feel less alone.

My top 10 pieces of advice to help you to help the women in your life:

1. Educate yourself about perimenopause & menopause. Showing that you know stuff and can talk the language will help massively.
2. Listen, just listen. With intent.
3. Be open to talking about it. Encourage a 2-way conversation…about whatever the issues are – physical symptoms, emotions, sex. However difficult that may be.
4. Ask gently how you can help. Women don’t understand what’s going on so you can’t be expected to know what to do – it will be massively appreciated.
5. Be patient, accept silences if that’s what’s required. Don’t put too much pressure for answers or solutions. It’s all a work in progress.
6. Don’t snap back. Hard, but very helpful.
7. Work together on improving nutrition & exercise – both of these will help massively.
8. Be supportive about doctors’ visits and be open to HRT discussions. Doctors’ visits are daunting, and can be disappointing when help may not be to the standard required.
9. Know that you can show your own feelings – you too are affected – but avoid a confrontational, blame approach.
10. Be careful who you surround yourself with – some ‘friends’ talk their opposite sex down and are the wrong people to be around. It’s always best to open communication with people on the journey or experts.

Too many women are suffering in silence, worrying that their body & brain are failing them. And this impacts the whole family, social circle, and working environment. Talking about it opens up support and lightens the load – more importantly it helps women find their own personal solution to navigating this period of change.

Finally, one last favour please….

Take care of you… this is a tough time for men too!

Love Caryn 💞